Just as I am

i thought i knew what love was. i have loved. i have been in love. i have given love with my whole heart. but i now know i never fully understood the love my parents had for me until i was blessed with a little family of my own. i have always known my parents love me unconditionally, they always have. but the extent of that love was so much bigger than i could have imagined.

my heart opened wider when i had our first child, i loved my husband more the day of her birth than i did on our wedding day. i didn't know that was possible....i thought i loved him more than life itself on my wedding day...and every day since. but becoming a parent has opened a whole chamber in my heart i didn't know existed.

i now truly understand "unconditional". i love my husband with nothing less than a pure unconditional love. i love my children with nothing less than a pure unconditional love. knowing this love, feeling this love, and giving this love is such a gift. now i understand Gods love so much more. it is AMAZING to know how much He loves us. i am HIS child, He loves me just as i am. i am so damaged. i am so unworthy of Him. but he loves me so much and only wants me to come to him JUST AS I AM!

this is one of my favorite hymns:

Just as I am, without one plea,
but that thy blood was shed for me,
and that thou bidst me come to thee,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Just as I am, and waiting not
to rid my soul of one dark blot,
to thee whose blood can cleanse each spot,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Just as I am, though tossed about
with many a conflict, many a doubt,
fightings and fears within, without,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Just as I am, poor, wretched, blind;
sight, riches, healing of the mind,
yea, all I need in thee to find,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Just as I am, thou wilt receive,
wilt welcome, pardon, cleanse, relieve;
because thy promise I believe,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Just as I am, thy love unknown
hath broken every barrier down;
now, to be thine, yea thine alone,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Unfold

Back in August of 2009 i posted this:

http://thewhalenfamily.blogspot.com/2009/08/anticipate.html

now over a year later, the plan is unfolding. i am watching it before my eyes! many things have happened this past year, most of which i would have never planned. BUT i put myself in the backseat for this ride, and decided long ago to wait and watch. i decided - kicking and screaming, but i decided. at first it was tough to not know the plan and to trust others when deciding the outcome for this season of my life, but now i know why. i needed the rest. i needed to be free from the overwhelming stress of it. my desires this year have changed. my goals have changed. my focus has changed. my heart has changed.

so although the plan was not my own, nor was it one i would have ever thought of, this has been the ride of my life so far. God is leading us around the country and revealing so many wonderful blessings to us. he has given us a precious little baby boy and revealed our daughters kind and tender heart. He is the pilot for this puddle jumper. and i feel relieved to KNOW He is in control. He has provided for us this past year when we didn't know where the next dollar would come from, and i have felt His love for our family by these provisions. He has taken my stress and worry and turned it into eager eyes. meaning, i eagerly look for Him in every situation. i look for what He will do, how He will reveal His plan, or what will He teach us in that particular situation. the past two years were filled with heartache, health problems, financial instability, but through all of it He provided! i have never been promised that hard times wouldn't happen...but i have been promised that through it all, He is there. He will always be there.

"Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." Phillippians 4:6-7

within all of the bad there have been a thousand blessings to be thankful for. so many wonderful things have happened because of the lessons He taught and is continuing to teach. so with eager eyes i look forward to what He has in the next leg of our trip! i pray for his continued provisions. i look for his limitless blessings. i am listening for his booming voice in many decisions that are coming around the bend.

"Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father?" Hebrews 12:7

giggles

i'm sitting here listening to little giggles...and i love it

i love that my home will soon be filled with another baby, and more giggles

i love that my little girl is so loving and kind hearted

i love that she is anxiously awaiting the arrival of this baby, as much as i am...if not more

i love that my heart overflows with love for her and my heart will explode again with the birth of this new baby

ok. the giggles have turned to cries...

My GIRLS

Psalm 5
Lord, listen to my words. Understand my sadness. Listen to my cry for help, my King, and my God, because I pray to you. Lord, every morning you hear my voice. Every morning I tell you what I need, and I wait for your answer. You are not a God who is pleased with the wicked, you do not live with those who do evil. Those people who make fun of you cannot stand before you. You hate all those who do evil. You destroy liars, the Lord hates those who kill and trick others. Because of your great love, I can come into your Temple. Because I fear and respect you, I can worship in your holy Temple. Lord, since I have many enemies, show me the right thing to do. Show me clearly how you want me to live. My enemies' mouths do not tell the truth; in their hearts they want to destroy others. Their throats are like open graves they use their tongues for telling lies. God declare them guilty! Let them fall into their own traps. Send them away because their sins are many; they have turned against you. But let everyone who trusts you be happy; let them sing glad songs forever. Protect those who love you and who are happy because of you. Lord, you bless those who do what is right; and you protect them like a soldier's shield.

What a refreshing reminder! (Thanks to my dear friend Natalie)

What he wants for us, and what WE want for us...well, sometimes they don't really match. But all in all, in the end, what HE wants for us will make us SO much happier! it is so hard to see that when you are in the midst of the consequences of our ME actions....know what i am saying? If we stick with the HE plan, the ME plan seems so silly!

Its like building a new house...and you think the one you are building is amazing. You can fold it and color on it, then HE offers for you to come to the house HE has built for you- with radiant flooring, and a self-cleaning kitchen...HIS house that he has built for you is AMAZING! Yours was loads of fun but looking back you wonder why you are living in a cardboard cut-out, when you have a house waiting for you to move in...that doesn't get soggy in the rain. The thing is, you probably have a few cardboard messes to get straightened out before you can fully occupy HIS "move in ready" house.So HE helps you clean it up. HE gets out there with the rake, to clean up the mess of a house that you thought was a good idea, and HE helps you move the things in your life that HE knows mean so much to you. HE carefully boxes them up and carries them into the house that HE made for you. HE wants you to have the things you desire, the things you love, that's why HE packs them up for you. Who's to say how long they will stay in the house, but ANY time with the loved things is appreciated.

James and I worked really hard and played really hard for our cardboard box of a house. And YES we surely had fun, but NOT IN THE SLIGHTEST compared to the house HE has moved me into...YOU ARE MY LOVED THINGS, AND I AM SO GRATEFUL, GOD HAS BOXED YOU AND MOVED YOU WITH ME TO THE HOUSE HE HAS MADE FOR ME. My girls are one of my greatest blessing. We are fortunate to love each other, be honest with one another, and to know that we have each other no matter the distance between us! I AM BLESSED!

forgiveness

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

Colossians 3:12-14

I wish that you could see me now
I wish that I could show you how
I'm not who I was

I used to be mad at you
a little on the hurt side too
But I'm not who I was.

I found my way around
to forgiving you
Some time ago
But I never got to tell you so


I found us in a photograph
I saw me and I had to laugh
You know, I'm not who I was

You were there, You were right above me
And I wonder if you ever loved me
Just for who I was.


When the pain came back again
Like a bitter friend
It was all I could do
To keep myself from blaming you


I reckon its a funny thing.
I figured out I could sing
Now I'm not who I was

I write about Love and such
maybe cause I want it so much
I'm not who I was.


I was thinking maybe I
Could let you know
I am not the same
But I never did forget your name.

Hello


Well the thing I find most amazing
In amazing grace
Is the chance to give it out
Maybe that's what love is all about


I wish that you could see me now
I wish that I could show you how
I'm not who I was.
-Brandon Heath

how amazing are these lyrics?!?...i recently forgave someone-for something big and hurtful. and i feel good...like i could have written this song. i felt so much anger from their actions and through Gods Grace, and His strength, i have been able to forgive them, really forgive, in my heart forgive. it is amazing! and to think, HE does this for us constantly! big. real big!

forgiveness. i have been forgiven, and now i really understand the depth of forgiveness. i have been blessed during my life to be surrounded by those whom care for others. i have never held anger, i haven't felt rage for another, until this past year. i felt it, i held it...and the devil thrived in my life with that anger. it felt right...but i knew in my heart it wasn't.

knowing i must be "Christ" like, and since i was formed in his image, i have tried to show the fruit of the spirit...that didn't work. it wasn't until i really gave it up. until i let God have it. until i really didn't want the devil to win my life. until the devils anger became Gods grace....that the Fruit of the Spirit was there. I didn't have to try. God gave me the ability to use these, and boy oh boy its like Christmas morning! i wanted desperately to show HIS love to the one that i was hurt by, i wanted desperately for it to be real and BIG. what was i thinking? HE IS REAL! HE IS BIG! HE IS REAL BIG! but it wasn't until HE was ready for me to learn and see the magnitude of forgiveness: the love it takes to love someone regardless of their actions, the joy it gives to show someone love for no reason, the peace it takes to bear their burdon, the patience in watching and waiting for answers, the goodness to see the blessing in what may have happened, the faithfulness to one another, the gentleness in your words and gentleness in your actions to handle the situation with grace and be Christ-like, and the self-control to willingly do all of the above.

22But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. 25Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 26Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other. Galations 5:22-26

i heard "i'm not who i was" one morning, and it has played in my head for many many months. look what that one song sparked...God is Good, and He works in strange and amazing ways. PRAISE THE LORD!

Thank you Lord for using Brandon Heath to speak your will.AMEN!

Speak Peace

Do not be afraid, O man highly esteemed," he said, "Peace! Be strong now; be strong." When he spoke to me I was strengthened, and said, "Speak my Lord since you have given me strength."

Daniel 10:19

Caught up in a place
I never thought I'd be
Fear and isolation
Have got a hold on me
I struggle with the silence
Waiting desperately
Will you
Would you

Speak Peace
Speak Peace
Speak Peace to me
I am weak
Oh, Jesus, speak
Speak Peace to me

I don't know how much longer
I can carry this pain
I need you more than ever
To get me through this thing
I'm past the point of breaking
It's more than I can take
Will you

Speak Peace
Speak Peace
Speak Peace to me
I am weak
Oh, Jesus, speak
Speak Peace to me

-Ginger Millerman-

it is funny how my life isn't what i expected it to be at this point. i would not change many aspects of mine, but i would change some of my actions in the past, those which have caused damage. as i type that, i realized how silly it sounds. i am who i am because of my experiences in my life, i am stronger and wiser because of those actions. so really, would i change them? probably not. i like who i have become, and changing those things, would alter my life lessons. however, the ones i would change would be the ones that were harmful to others. altering their life lessons should not have been up to me. changing their life in unknown ways, is not my desire. my desire is to do things to alter others lives in unknown ways - for the better.

this is just a random thought from this morning.... i don't know why or how the story of Daniel pertains to my past, but, i am sure God will reveal something amazing, as always!

i am encouraged by Daniel today. look at his story, it makes my feeling of weakness seem so small. i have not been asked to brave a lions den. i am not in fear for my life. i am weak and fearful for so many other "small" reasons, i am in a quandary about decisions and don't have peace regarding decisions i must make for the health of my child. this must be the tie from my thought above! this must be why the story of Daniel was on my heart this morning, to tie my thoughts about my past decisions to a lesson...light bulb!

my actions and decisions will directly affect my child and her health for a lifetime. "my desire is to do things to alter others lives in unknown ways - for the better". my fear-thus giving me lack of peace, is that i will listen to the wrong small voice, altering her health for the worse.

I am weak, oh Jesus. speak peace on these decisions! may Your calm and peaceful voice be the only voice we hear...may You protect this beautiful child you have given us. my Your peace take me over as we brave the lions in our lives, may you tame them like kittens, and reveal Yourself to us like the mighty thunder so we may hear Your desire for us. may Your voice and Your breath be our strength as we hold Your hand tight in this adventure you so graciously have blessed us with.

Please Be My Strength, dear Jesus, as Daniel so did, so will I!

Emily Kate

You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.

Isaiah 26:3

perfect peace. i think of the four seasons spa. but in reality, perfect peace usually comes with times of trial not tranquility.

Emily Kate

today i am praying for baby Emily Black. sweet innocent baby Emily Kate. she is the image of perfect peace. she doesn't realize what is happening in her little four month new body, and the sorrow, confusion, and pain her mommy and daddy are more than likely going through. she has the unconditional love that God calls all of us to have. she is being tested and treated, all the while not angry about the pain, but craving to love her father and mother. that is all she wants. as His children, that is all God wants us to have...no anger, just love for Him and one another.

How great is the Love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called CHILDREN OF GOD, and that is what we are.

1 John 3:1

i pray that Emily, feel the calm healing hand of God on her. that Karen and Jeff, see the hand of God on Emily, and feel His comforting hand on them. I pray that God gives Karen understanding, and Jeff strength during this trial. i pray so hard for this. i pray for the doctors and nurses that God may open a door for their understanding and knowledge. that His healing will be THE healing. and the doctors will be open to receive and treat His way. I pray for the test results to be informative, and i pray for the answers to be what GOD has intended. I pray for those administering the test to be compassionate yet thorough. I pray for this entire family to be embraced in Gods Healing Arms and comforted in the trust they have in His plan. i pray for those surrounding the Black's to have the necessary words and actions. That their family be able to surround them, that their friends may prepare and pray. i pray the medical staff be compassionate and informative and the right people will be by them at the right time.

all these things and those i have not thought to write but i feel in my heart, i pray to my God, my Savior.

AMEN

aware

Even in the little things
That never seem too big to me
And the things that I thought
Didn’t matter much at all
As simple as my daily bread
To the strength I need to get out of bed
When I fly, when
I’m about to Fall
It’s you in me
That I fail to see
Make me aware, make me see
Everything I am is not all about me
Take my world, turn it around
So that the obvious can finally be found
Make me aware, make me aware
When my life is hanging from a thread
And I think about the things you said
In this moment seems so far away
Help me see the guarantees
That first brought me to believe
So I can make it through another day
Oh, it’s you in me
That helps me to breathe

Make me aware, make me see

Everything I am is not all about me
Take my world, turn it around
So that the obvious can finally be found
Make me aware
I have been missing so much
Not recognizing your touch
All acknowledging you’re the reason I’m even here
I have been missing so much
Not recognizing your touch
Make me aware, make me aware
Help me see,
Everything I am is not all about me
Take my world, turn it around
So that the obvious can finally be found
Make me aware, make me aware
~Salvador

For none of us lives to himself alone and none of us dies to himself alone. Romans 14:7

this is such a simple idea. why do i make it so difficult? i try to live for me, me, me...when all along, i am here for everyone but. i have been put on this earth to worship my great God and share His love to those around me. end of story. so why do i put so many things ahead of my Savior and His will for my life? do i think i am smarter than the God of the Universe? no. do i think i can do better than what he has planned? no. do i think my plan is The Plan? no. i know all of these things are not what God calls me to do, yet i do them anyway. thus, i must begin the journey of awareness. i must listen to the Spirit of the Lord guide His house (me). i must stop running the wrong way and turn to Him-so He can lead me.

i thank you Lord for my many chances, i thank you Lord for Your strength, i thank you Lord for enlightenment and your light in my once stained soul. i pray that being "aware" is another first step in the right direction. i pray that where i am led, others will see Your light within me. i pray that Your light may shine brighter than it ever has. i pray that my precious family will shine shine shine.

i pray.

i pray.

i pray.

~amen

grace

..."I knew that You are a gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger and abounding in love, a God who relents from sending calamity." Jonah 4:2

and we are called to walk in the likeness of HIM? what a challenge. thank you Lord for your mercy! i will never be able to do this on my own. i will only be able to walk in the way God intended with the power of the Holy Spirit guiding me. i will not be perfect, as there has only been on person in history that has been, but i will try with all of my heart to lead my life in the likeness of Him. Praise the Lord for the map!

my desire is to be more like you. my hope rest in the knowledge and belief of your power. may you transform my heart into the likeness of yours with grace and compassion. may you provide me the ability to love endlessly and limitless. showing others Your love through me. make me your vessel. prepare me for your work. ~AMEN

Emergency Break

Be still and know that I am God.

Psalm 46:10 (New International Version)

Emergency Break: STOP AND LISTEN



James 1:19 My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,

a mothers prayer

A Mother's Prayer

My sweet baby on loan from above
no better treasure could I more love
I stand here beside your bed as I pray
I lay my hand on your head and I say:

May you grow up to serve Him all of your days
May He lead you and guide you in all of your ways
May His hand bless your future with friendships that last
May you cherish your youth and not grow up too fast

I stare in wonder at your tiny frame
Just to think that God knows you by name
He knows every hair on your beautiful head
He knows all your thoughts before they are said

May you grow up to serve Him all of your days
May He lead you and guide you in all of your ways
May His hand bless your future with friendships that last
May you cherish your youth and not grow up too fast

May God grant you peace in the midst of a storm
May God give you strength even when youre forlorn
May you answer the door when Jesus comes knocking
May wisdom guide you when your mouth is talkin
May discretion protect you and keep you pure
May you never stumble or fall for a lure
May your heart remain humble to the very end
May uprightness and truth be what you defend
May the world not ensnare or change who you are
May the light that's within you shine like the stars
May angels surround you body, spirit, mind
May favor and peace be yours to find
May rejection and pain never reach you
May your spirit grow bold for what youre called to
As you rest in Gods care I will rest too Knowing that Jesus is watching over you Amen
~Rachel Aldous

I am amazed at what God is teaching me through my child! He is Good! He is Faithful! He is my Strength! ~AMEN!

Or as Whitney says:
"ABCDEFGHIJKLlalalalaPQRSTUBWXYanZ! AMEN!"

anticipate

PRAISE THE LORD OH MY SOUL! AND ALL THAT IS WITHIN ME, PRAISE HIS HOLY NAME!!!!

as i wait, as i pray, i long to experience God in a way i never have before. i have a journey ahead of me. i know i do. one that God has planned and with excitement i wait patiently for his plan to unfold. as each day passes, as each moment passes, i wait.

still. learning. longing.

when i look in the Word at stories of promise from God to his people, they were rarely given their blessings immediately. Abraham and Sarah, Jacob, and Moses to name a few, waited YEARS to receive their promise. God blessed them, and when he did, it wasn't the actual blessing that was the gift. it was the journey. the time they spent learning and longing for God. that was the gift.

"Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; He rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for Him!" Isaiah 30:18

Sometimes its not the gift itself, it is the anticipation.

gift

Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!

2 Corinthians 9:15

today is a gift. my day is a gift from God! it is strange to think of it that way since i get bogged down by the humdrum of the everyday. today, i will take time to enjoy my gift. if a friend gave me a gift everyday, i would feel so grateful. why then, is it easy to forget the incredible gift of life? i get a new gift each morning. not only is my life a gift, but also are the lives of those around me. today is a gift. i am blessed. i am grateful.

Rest

Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:8-10

i dance in my weakness for this is when i run to my Lord, my God. situations arise that i do not know how to handle. i am broken, and wounded, but because of these things, i know my God is my strength. His power rests on me and i accept that i can not do it alone. with out Him, i would fail terribly-with every step He is leading me and showing me where to go next. i rest my head on His shoulder, waiting for His whisper. i rest in His lap waiting for the next landing. i rest in His arms as he tenderly embraces me. i rest in the assurance that He is with me every step of my journey, as i grow tired, i rest on Him.

wind

The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit." John 3:8

i am of the Spirit, but i have been using my own oars to fight the raging sea of my life. i was tired of fighting for my boat to go where i thought it should. now, in the midst of a vicious storm, i sit. weary. i cry out to the Lord for strength and in doing so, i am being transformed into the woman that God has intended for me to be. it is truly an amazing adventure and i am thankful for the crashing waves. they can be damaging to my boat, but with Gods redemption and His grace, i am strengthened by the damage, and He is laying his healing hand on the destruction. i don't know where i will go, i do not know how i will get there. but i will float by faith in my healing boat. with Christ as my captain, i will toss my oars, and put up my sail....

still

"Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." Psalm 46:10

i am the parent of a two year old. being still is not in my vocabulary. yet, God is teaching me, that in stillness, he speaks. in quiet times of desperation, is when i usually listen. i am learning to listen when there is a ruckus surrounding me, as that is when i need His voice most to guide me.

as i look at the photo of me and james,holding whitneys hand, i remind myself, just as whitney is my child - i am a child of GOD! just as james and i hold her hands, God holds ours! we may squirm, we may pull away to run free. but when we walk in his stillness, with our hands in his, we are protected, we are guided, and conversations with him are at ease. being still to me does not mean no movement, it means waiting for the right movement-the move God provides, the bridge he decides to take us over.

light

Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.
Psalm 119:105

it is so difficult walking anywhere in the dark, much less a path. with rugged terrain below my feet, i have been walking in the dark. i have fallen, i have stumbled, i have used my hands to guide me only to get lost deeper in the woods. i am bruised and wounded from my falls. i am using this time in my life to use the light of the Lord to guide me back to safety. i am trusting in his plan for this journey with every small step taken. the noises in the woods startle me for i don't know what they are. but i know that i am in the safety of His steps for my life and the lives of my family. He has equipped me with the proper hiking gear for my protection, should i choose to use it. i will walk carefully and attentively, in his footsteps. I will pray for protection from the animals lurking in the woods waiting to attack.

trust

You are my hiding place

You always fill my heart with songs of deliverance

Whenever I am afraid

I will trust in You

I will trust in You

Let the weak say I am strong

In the strength of the Lord

You are my hiding place

You always fill my heart

With songs of deliverance

Whenever I am afraid

I will trust in You

I will trust in You

Let the weak say I am strong

in the strength of the Lord

I will trust in You

~ Selah

well, here i am. trusting. i am afraid, so i am trusting. i am longing for a plan, but i am trusting God will provide. i fully know the magnitude of what i am asking for, but i also know the magnitude of Him~ so i am trusting that He will show James and I the answer in what we are to do.

i am afraid because my life as i have known it for so many years, is shaken. i am comforted in Him. and i am thankful for a husband that has so much faith. thru james, i feel calm. as james and i begin this journey into the unknown, with no set plan, we are trusting. together, we are trusting God will point us in the direction He wants us to run.

our house goes on the market next week. and we don't know where we will be living once it sells. we have several thoughts, the biggest one is for james to go back to school, in kentucky. He only has one year to graduate. but once that happens, then what... we are trusting. Texas is home to me, but as i told james, if i had to choose, i would much rather have a happy husband and a home anywhere-than a house in texas. so i am trusting. i am leaning on His promises. I am sad to leave, but so excited to see what God has in store for this next chapter.

surrender

Holy Father, love me still. i have fallen from your will. i am broken hear my humble cry, my cry...take my life and make it yours Lord, fill me with your love. you are all I need-i surrender all of me. i have wandered for so long. tired and weary on my own. in your arms i know i'm home-oh God, my God. take my life and make it yours Lord fill me with your love. you are all I need. i surrender all of me. take my life and make it yours Lord. fill me with your love. you are all I need. i surrender all of me.
~selah~

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.Romans 12:1-2

i woke up with this song in my mind this morning. it has been a source of strength for me today. i finally feel refreshed. thank you Lord for your healing hand on my life. thank you for your abundant love. thank you for teaching me how to love during trial with Your grace and mercy.