Just as I am

i thought i knew what love was. i have loved. i have been in love. i have given love with my whole heart. but i now know i never fully understood the love my parents had for me until i was blessed with a little family of my own. i have always known my parents love me unconditionally, they always have. but the extent of that love was so much bigger than i could have imagined.

my heart opened wider when i had our first child, i loved my husband more the day of her birth than i did on our wedding day. i didn't know that was possible....i thought i loved him more than life itself on my wedding day...and every day since. but becoming a parent has opened a whole chamber in my heart i didn't know existed.

i now truly understand "unconditional". i love my husband with nothing less than a pure unconditional love. i love my children with nothing less than a pure unconditional love. knowing this love, feeling this love, and giving this love is such a gift. now i understand Gods love so much more. it is AMAZING to know how much He loves us. i am HIS child, He loves me just as i am. i am so damaged. i am so unworthy of Him. but he loves me so much and only wants me to come to him JUST AS I AM!

this is one of my favorite hymns:

Just as I am, without one plea,
but that thy blood was shed for me,
and that thou bidst me come to thee,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Just as I am, and waiting not
to rid my soul of one dark blot,
to thee whose blood can cleanse each spot,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Just as I am, though tossed about
with many a conflict, many a doubt,
fightings and fears within, without,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Just as I am, poor, wretched, blind;
sight, riches, healing of the mind,
yea, all I need in thee to find,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Just as I am, thou wilt receive,
wilt welcome, pardon, cleanse, relieve;
because thy promise I believe,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Just as I am, thy love unknown
hath broken every barrier down;
now, to be thine, yea thine alone,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Unfold

Back in August of 2009 i posted this:

http://thewhalenfamily.blogspot.com/2009/08/anticipate.html

now over a year later, the plan is unfolding. i am watching it before my eyes! many things have happened this past year, most of which i would have never planned. BUT i put myself in the backseat for this ride, and decided long ago to wait and watch. i decided - kicking and screaming, but i decided. at first it was tough to not know the plan and to trust others when deciding the outcome for this season of my life, but now i know why. i needed the rest. i needed to be free from the overwhelming stress of it. my desires this year have changed. my goals have changed. my focus has changed. my heart has changed.

so although the plan was not my own, nor was it one i would have ever thought of, this has been the ride of my life so far. God is leading us around the country and revealing so many wonderful blessings to us. he has given us a precious little baby boy and revealed our daughters kind and tender heart. He is the pilot for this puddle jumper. and i feel relieved to KNOW He is in control. He has provided for us this past year when we didn't know where the next dollar would come from, and i have felt His love for our family by these provisions. He has taken my stress and worry and turned it into eager eyes. meaning, i eagerly look for Him in every situation. i look for what He will do, how He will reveal His plan, or what will He teach us in that particular situation. the past two years were filled with heartache, health problems, financial instability, but through all of it He provided! i have never been promised that hard times wouldn't happen...but i have been promised that through it all, He is there. He will always be there.

"Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." Phillippians 4:6-7

within all of the bad there have been a thousand blessings to be thankful for. so many wonderful things have happened because of the lessons He taught and is continuing to teach. so with eager eyes i look forward to what He has in the next leg of our trip! i pray for his continued provisions. i look for his limitless blessings. i am listening for his booming voice in many decisions that are coming around the bend.

"Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father?" Hebrews 12:7

giggles

i'm sitting here listening to little giggles...and i love it

i love that my home will soon be filled with another baby, and more giggles

i love that my little girl is so loving and kind hearted

i love that she is anxiously awaiting the arrival of this baby, as much as i am...if not more

i love that my heart overflows with love for her and my heart will explode again with the birth of this new baby

ok. the giggles have turned to cries...

My GIRLS

Psalm 5
Lord, listen to my words. Understand my sadness. Listen to my cry for help, my King, and my God, because I pray to you. Lord, every morning you hear my voice. Every morning I tell you what I need, and I wait for your answer. You are not a God who is pleased with the wicked, you do not live with those who do evil. Those people who make fun of you cannot stand before you. You hate all those who do evil. You destroy liars, the Lord hates those who kill and trick others. Because of your great love, I can come into your Temple. Because I fear and respect you, I can worship in your holy Temple. Lord, since I have many enemies, show me the right thing to do. Show me clearly how you want me to live. My enemies' mouths do not tell the truth; in their hearts they want to destroy others. Their throats are like open graves they use their tongues for telling lies. God declare them guilty! Let them fall into their own traps. Send them away because their sins are many; they have turned against you. But let everyone who trusts you be happy; let them sing glad songs forever. Protect those who love you and who are happy because of you. Lord, you bless those who do what is right; and you protect them like a soldier's shield.

What a refreshing reminder! (Thanks to my dear friend Natalie)

What he wants for us, and what WE want for us...well, sometimes they don't really match. But all in all, in the end, what HE wants for us will make us SO much happier! it is so hard to see that when you are in the midst of the consequences of our ME actions....know what i am saying? If we stick with the HE plan, the ME plan seems so silly!

Its like building a new house...and you think the one you are building is amazing. You can fold it and color on it, then HE offers for you to come to the house HE has built for you- with radiant flooring, and a self-cleaning kitchen...HIS house that he has built for you is AMAZING! Yours was loads of fun but looking back you wonder why you are living in a cardboard cut-out, when you have a house waiting for you to move in...that doesn't get soggy in the rain. The thing is, you probably have a few cardboard messes to get straightened out before you can fully occupy HIS "move in ready" house.So HE helps you clean it up. HE gets out there with the rake, to clean up the mess of a house that you thought was a good idea, and HE helps you move the things in your life that HE knows mean so much to you. HE carefully boxes them up and carries them into the house that HE made for you. HE wants you to have the things you desire, the things you love, that's why HE packs them up for you. Who's to say how long they will stay in the house, but ANY time with the loved things is appreciated.

James and I worked really hard and played really hard for our cardboard box of a house. And YES we surely had fun, but NOT IN THE SLIGHTEST compared to the house HE has moved me into...YOU ARE MY LOVED THINGS, AND I AM SO GRATEFUL, GOD HAS BOXED YOU AND MOVED YOU WITH ME TO THE HOUSE HE HAS MADE FOR ME. My girls are one of my greatest blessing. We are fortunate to love each other, be honest with one another, and to know that we have each other no matter the distance between us! I AM BLESSED!

forgiveness

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

Colossians 3:12-14

I wish that you could see me now
I wish that I could show you how
I'm not who I was

I used to be mad at you
a little on the hurt side too
But I'm not who I was.

I found my way around
to forgiving you
Some time ago
But I never got to tell you so


I found us in a photograph
I saw me and I had to laugh
You know, I'm not who I was

You were there, You were right above me
And I wonder if you ever loved me
Just for who I was.


When the pain came back again
Like a bitter friend
It was all I could do
To keep myself from blaming you


I reckon its a funny thing.
I figured out I could sing
Now I'm not who I was

I write about Love and such
maybe cause I want it so much
I'm not who I was.


I was thinking maybe I
Could let you know
I am not the same
But I never did forget your name.

Hello


Well the thing I find most amazing
In amazing grace
Is the chance to give it out
Maybe that's what love is all about


I wish that you could see me now
I wish that I could show you how
I'm not who I was.
-Brandon Heath

how amazing are these lyrics?!?...i recently forgave someone-for something big and hurtful. and i feel good...like i could have written this song. i felt so much anger from their actions and through Gods Grace, and His strength, i have been able to forgive them, really forgive, in my heart forgive. it is amazing! and to think, HE does this for us constantly! big. real big!

forgiveness. i have been forgiven, and now i really understand the depth of forgiveness. i have been blessed during my life to be surrounded by those whom care for others. i have never held anger, i haven't felt rage for another, until this past year. i felt it, i held it...and the devil thrived in my life with that anger. it felt right...but i knew in my heart it wasn't.

knowing i must be "Christ" like, and since i was formed in his image, i have tried to show the fruit of the spirit...that didn't work. it wasn't until i really gave it up. until i let God have it. until i really didn't want the devil to win my life. until the devils anger became Gods grace....that the Fruit of the Spirit was there. I didn't have to try. God gave me the ability to use these, and boy oh boy its like Christmas morning! i wanted desperately to show HIS love to the one that i was hurt by, i wanted desperately for it to be real and BIG. what was i thinking? HE IS REAL! HE IS BIG! HE IS REAL BIG! but it wasn't until HE was ready for me to learn and see the magnitude of forgiveness: the love it takes to love someone regardless of their actions, the joy it gives to show someone love for no reason, the peace it takes to bear their burdon, the patience in watching and waiting for answers, the goodness to see the blessing in what may have happened, the faithfulness to one another, the gentleness in your words and gentleness in your actions to handle the situation with grace and be Christ-like, and the self-control to willingly do all of the above.

22But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. 25Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 26Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other. Galations 5:22-26

i heard "i'm not who i was" one morning, and it has played in my head for many many months. look what that one song sparked...God is Good, and He works in strange and amazing ways. PRAISE THE LORD!

Thank you Lord for using Brandon Heath to speak your will.AMEN!

Speak Peace

Do not be afraid, O man highly esteemed," he said, "Peace! Be strong now; be strong." When he spoke to me I was strengthened, and said, "Speak my Lord since you have given me strength."

Daniel 10:19

Caught up in a place
I never thought I'd be
Fear and isolation
Have got a hold on me
I struggle with the silence
Waiting desperately
Will you
Would you

Speak Peace
Speak Peace
Speak Peace to me
I am weak
Oh, Jesus, speak
Speak Peace to me

I don't know how much longer
I can carry this pain
I need you more than ever
To get me through this thing
I'm past the point of breaking
It's more than I can take
Will you

Speak Peace
Speak Peace
Speak Peace to me
I am weak
Oh, Jesus, speak
Speak Peace to me

-Ginger Millerman-

it is funny how my life isn't what i expected it to be at this point. i would not change many aspects of mine, but i would change some of my actions in the past, those which have caused damage. as i type that, i realized how silly it sounds. i am who i am because of my experiences in my life, i am stronger and wiser because of those actions. so really, would i change them? probably not. i like who i have become, and changing those things, would alter my life lessons. however, the ones i would change would be the ones that were harmful to others. altering their life lessons should not have been up to me. changing their life in unknown ways, is not my desire. my desire is to do things to alter others lives in unknown ways - for the better.

this is just a random thought from this morning.... i don't know why or how the story of Daniel pertains to my past, but, i am sure God will reveal something amazing, as always!

i am encouraged by Daniel today. look at his story, it makes my feeling of weakness seem so small. i have not been asked to brave a lions den. i am not in fear for my life. i am weak and fearful for so many other "small" reasons, i am in a quandary about decisions and don't have peace regarding decisions i must make for the health of my child. this must be the tie from my thought above! this must be why the story of Daniel was on my heart this morning, to tie my thoughts about my past decisions to a lesson...light bulb!

my actions and decisions will directly affect my child and her health for a lifetime. "my desire is to do things to alter others lives in unknown ways - for the better". my fear-thus giving me lack of peace, is that i will listen to the wrong small voice, altering her health for the worse.

I am weak, oh Jesus. speak peace on these decisions! may Your calm and peaceful voice be the only voice we hear...may You protect this beautiful child you have given us. my Your peace take me over as we brave the lions in our lives, may you tame them like kittens, and reveal Yourself to us like the mighty thunder so we may hear Your desire for us. may Your voice and Your breath be our strength as we hold Your hand tight in this adventure you so graciously have blessed us with.

Please Be My Strength, dear Jesus, as Daniel so did, so will I!