Just as I am

i thought i knew what love was. i have loved. i have been in love. i have given love with my whole heart. but i now know i never fully understood the love my parents had for me until i was blessed with a little family of my own. i have always known my parents love me unconditionally, they always have. but the extent of that love was so much bigger than i could have imagined.

my heart opened wider when i had our first child, i loved my husband more the day of her birth than i did on our wedding day. i didn't know that was possible....i thought i loved him more than life itself on my wedding day...and every day since. but becoming a parent has opened a whole chamber in my heart i didn't know existed.

i now truly understand "unconditional". i love my husband with nothing less than a pure unconditional love. i love my children with nothing less than a pure unconditional love. knowing this love, feeling this love, and giving this love is such a gift. now i understand Gods love so much more. it is AMAZING to know how much He loves us. i am HIS child, He loves me just as i am. i am so damaged. i am so unworthy of Him. but he loves me so much and only wants me to come to him JUST AS I AM!

this is one of my favorite hymns:

Just as I am, without one plea,
but that thy blood was shed for me,
and that thou bidst me come to thee,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Just as I am, and waiting not
to rid my soul of one dark blot,
to thee whose blood can cleanse each spot,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Just as I am, though tossed about
with many a conflict, many a doubt,
fightings and fears within, without,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Just as I am, poor, wretched, blind;
sight, riches, healing of the mind,
yea, all I need in thee to find,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Just as I am, thou wilt receive,
wilt welcome, pardon, cleanse, relieve;
because thy promise I believe,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Just as I am, thy love unknown
hath broken every barrier down;
now, to be thine, yea thine alone,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Unfold

Back in August of 2009 i posted this:

http://thewhalenfamily.blogspot.com/2009/08/anticipate.html

now over a year later, the plan is unfolding. i am watching it before my eyes! many things have happened this past year, most of which i would have never planned. BUT i put myself in the backseat for this ride, and decided long ago to wait and watch. i decided - kicking and screaming, but i decided. at first it was tough to not know the plan and to trust others when deciding the outcome for this season of my life, but now i know why. i needed the rest. i needed to be free from the overwhelming stress of it. my desires this year have changed. my goals have changed. my focus has changed. my heart has changed.

so although the plan was not my own, nor was it one i would have ever thought of, this has been the ride of my life so far. God is leading us around the country and revealing so many wonderful blessings to us. he has given us a precious little baby boy and revealed our daughters kind and tender heart. He is the pilot for this puddle jumper. and i feel relieved to KNOW He is in control. He has provided for us this past year when we didn't know where the next dollar would come from, and i have felt His love for our family by these provisions. He has taken my stress and worry and turned it into eager eyes. meaning, i eagerly look for Him in every situation. i look for what He will do, how He will reveal His plan, or what will He teach us in that particular situation. the past two years were filled with heartache, health problems, financial instability, but through all of it He provided! i have never been promised that hard times wouldn't happen...but i have been promised that through it all, He is there. He will always be there.

"Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." Phillippians 4:6-7

within all of the bad there have been a thousand blessings to be thankful for. so many wonderful things have happened because of the lessons He taught and is continuing to teach. so with eager eyes i look forward to what He has in the next leg of our trip! i pray for his continued provisions. i look for his limitless blessings. i am listening for his booming voice in many decisions that are coming around the bend.

"Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father?" Hebrews 12:7